what an up and down day..

what an up and down day..
yeahh siang-sore-malem ketawa2 jalan2 sama amie echa rommy and bebii.. we had a great day deh pokoknyaa.. walopun bikin yang laen sdikit risih kali yaa karna gue ama faz asik beduaan maen game kaya timezone, trus foto2.. heheh

tapi malemnyaaa.. pas telponan sama faz.. suddenly i feel so sad.. ngerasa sendirii. ngerasa emang ga ada yang ngertiin gue di dunia ini selain Allah dan mama. yeah call me drama queen beb!. but im just trying to be honest with my ownself, with my feelings. that i do feel sad, knowing that faz told me sumthing that its a supersensitive thing for me. gilaa.. rasanya gaenak bangeet. kaya tiba2 ngerasa sendirii.. dan yang paling enak adalah nulis blog atau nulis sesuatu. sesuka hati gue. gue gausah ngomong (yang mana ini adalah kendala dalam diri gue), dan gw ga dapet feedback apapun dan dari siapapun. gue bebaaaass mengutarakan isi hati gw, telling what im feeling now..

im thinking that; emang gue separah itu ya??
kok gue bisa kaya gini ya?
kan padahal gue kuliah di jurusan komunikasi??
kenapa ya??
apakah suatu hal ang permissive kalo gw bilang, "dari kecil aku emang pendiem di keluarga".
Almh. mamah aja mati2an supaya bikin aku deket sama dia.. gw inget banget wkt itu mama nawarin diri jadi "sahabat gw". dan gw tolak dengan jawaban "yaelah, kan aku sahabat udah punya". gila parah banget. dingin banget gw wkt itu.
tapi pada akhirnya gue pun bisa deket sama mama, bisa terbuka, bisa nangis2 cerita masalah gueeee... dan gw wkt itu merasa menyesal, ko bisa ya tega2nya gw nolak my mom's request.

dan sampe pada akhirnya mama pun pergi dari dunia ini, gw kehilangan pegangan.. gw limbung. gatau harus pegangan sama siapa, gatau harus menyandarkan bahu gw sama sapa. pelarian gw adalah ke agama. dan gw ngerasa feel better dengan pelarian positif gw itu. gw emangnya rada susah untuk bisa curhat tentang hal yang sangat pribadi. gw nyadar kok gw tuh aneh, beda dari orang2 biasanya. gw seperti punya masalah dalam diri sendiri. tapi orang lain ataupun teman2 gw gatau itu. ya krn gw terlihat fine2 dan riang2 aja depan mereka. laen di keluarga gue. gue beda. gue berubah jadi kara yang pendiem. kara yang sukanya bilang "terserah". semua tante2 dan om2 tau kok kalo gw orang nya dieeem, jutek, susah diajak ngomong, ga bisa basa basi dll.

sampe akhirnya gw nemuin orang yang mirip sama gue. lumayan banyak kecocokan kita. sama2 introvert, dll. with him i found such a comfy feelings. gw bisa jadi diri gw sendiri yang sangat moody. kadang seru. kadang diem. he has been in those rollercoaster thing with me. he knows me well than others. he knows me well than my family. he knows me well than my bestie. he's such a quite complete package for me.
tapi yang gw sedihin malem ini adalah ya mungkin dia belom ngerti gw tuh gimana sebenernyaa.. belom ngerti posisi gw banget. karena untuk menjadi gue sekarang adalah hal yang beraat.. gw ga bilang gw makhluk Allah yang paling merana.gw yakin kok tiap orang punya masalah sendiri2. i used to think that im the poorest person in this world. tp setelah kenal banyak orang. gw jadi sadar kalo tiap orang, tiap keluarga tuh punya masalah sendiri2. dan gw jadi lebih bisa bersyukur atas apa yang gw punya sekarang. gw ga lagi memandang gw dan kelaurga gw sebagai the poorest one.
pokoknya semua orang punya masalah sendiri2 tinggal tergantung gimana caranya ngadepin dan melihatnya itu sebagai atu kerikil kehidupan. *keren abis analisa gue

ya intinya gtu deh. gue cuma mo bilang.. gue sadar kok gw orangnya kaya gmn. untungnya gw punya tingkat kesadaran diri yang tinggi terhadap sifat2 dan kelakuan gue. sehingga gue pun ga perlu kaget kalo ada yang ngritik gw. tapi gw cuma ga suka kalo dituntut untuk berubah, dianggap beda, dianggap parah, disuruh memperbaiki ini itu.
ya jawaban gw, yaudalah.. orang2 diluar gw ga akan bikin gw tergerak kecuali dari dalam diri gue sendiri. gw toh akan berusaha menjadi lebih baik kalo gw udah ngerasa ini lah saatnya.. let it flow. i dont wanna push my ownself.. and i dont like to be pushed by others.

karafaz recap

day 5 faz in JKT. - Mon 28 Sept 2009
wow that day. we had a great, so much fun! though we were just having sumpit as our lunch and then we did talk so much! i might say that i was soooo bawel at that day! talking bout anything! and he was enjoying my "bawelnesses". hehe. after that we were walking around PIM, and suddenly i heard a shouted from one of my friend. yes its kafi! the uniq one. hehe.. we accidently met kafi, viona, shegi, rehuel. woww! but then i keep walking around with bebi till we decided to took a sit in J.Co. and you know whaaat.. i keep baweling at that time, whereas i only had 3 hours of sleep. hehhee.. after that, we were mingling with viona dll and there was chacha in regal cafe. after a while, then we went to faz home. bla bla bla bla.. theen, faz and deycil dropped me home. :) what a day! i really love the way i feel whenever he arounds me, its comfort feelings!. undescribe. unexplain.

day 6 faz in JKT. - Tue 29 sept 2009
me and faz woke up at 1 o clock, so he was late to come to my home.. we were just talking in my home. bla bla bla.. at 5 o clock he went home. huhuh. sebentar sekali..

day 7 faz in JKT - Wed 30 sept 2009
(mulai cape english-ing)
he accompanied me to campus UI and Jengkoy in order to take a graduation photo. but first faz pick me up and we were waiting for jengkoy to come to my home. then we were eating some pudding in my house. we were just too late to go to campus, bcoz its afternoon already. berangkat jam 3, di perjalanan lagi macet2nyaa. beruntung ada viona yang di rektorat yang bisa dititipin foto. jadinya selamat deh! tp tetep mau ke kampus, mau ketemu anak2..
tadinya faz cuma mau ngedrop karena harus jemput pap nya. ehh pas gue udah di takor, ndilalah dia nyasar gara2 gue cuma jelasin lurus2 ajaa. ga bilang kalo harus belok kiri dulu abis dari gerbang UI. hehe alhasil dia nyasar ke kelapa dua. udah muter balik eh nyasar lagi malah belok ke depok. huaaa.. kasian. udah marah2 aja diaa. akhirnya i asked him to go back to campus. coz he hasnt took ashar pray yet.
alhamdulillah tidak lama kemudian dia sampai kampus. pap nya jadi pulang naek taksi deh. hehe.
di takor ramee, ada viona, kafi, cocom, dito, the ancow. pas faz dateng kita makan dulu. btw gue sudah mulai merasa asing loh di kampus UI. karena orang2nya udah ga ada yang dikenal gitu, dan ruame. udah ga merasa comfy lagi. hehe.
terus pas udah menjelang maghrib eh ada etha shegi azel heri. wah ramee!
tapi si faz udah minta2 pulang, hehe. yowes. akhirnya kita pulang tapi solat maghrib dulu di Mesjid UI. abistu kita muter2 deh, bla bla bla.. :)

day 8 faz in JKT - Thur 1 okt 2009
yes im in Bandung at this day. i had to go. too much absen i did beb.. hehe.
dan selese kuliah jam 8 malem. ih aneh bgt dah kuliah malem rasanya, apalgi di bandung. dingin2 sepi gtuu.. abis ituu. gw diajak dimpol pergi. dan gue terjebak aja gituu.. diajak muter2 sama waja dan temannya lagi. fiuhh. faz udah ngomel2 aja tuh dia. nyuruh2 gue pulaaang..
oiya gara2 gue blom brani tidur di kamar sendiri. akhirnya gue nginep di kamar mba tya deh..

day 9 faz in JKT. - Fri 2 Okt 2009
wooow. oiya hari kedua gue puasa syawal. enak deh puasa di bandung. emang feelnya di bandung tuh pas puasa. gara2 bulan puasa kmrn kurang lebih 3 minggu puasanya di bandung.
hari iniii.. gue totally beberes kosan. kamar gue, gue bikin sepewe mungkin. biar betah di bandung and di kosan sendiri. abis ituu sorenya siap2 mo foto kelas mankom di JONAS pake BATIK! hahaha.. niat abis.
akhirnya sampailah kami konvoi ke jonas. sampe sana musti nunggu.. yaa pulang ke JKTnya jadi maleman deh gue. apalagi belom makan abis buka. akhirnya gue ngerengek2 ke anak2 minta makan. dan kita makan di bancakan.
gue travel nya citi trans jam 9.15 yang ke bintaro sektor 3. terus minta si bebi jemput dehh. heheh.. nyampe jkt jam setengah 12, abis itu faz dan teman2nya nongkrong di mcd sektor 9. yowes ngikut aja dengan baju batik kondangan gue dan sisa2 make up. hihi.
sampe rumah jam stgh 2 malem deh. i love you bebi!

day 10 faz in JKT. - Sat 3 Okt 2009
hmmm, seharian ga ketemu bebiii.. beberes rumaha aja guee. karena mo kedatang tamu2 istimewa including my bebiiii. yaa ketemunya cuma gitu doang nih tadii. jadi baru berasa kangennya sekarangg..

karasanten and fazzgoy recap

day 1 faz in JKT - thur. 24 sept. 2009
didnt pick him up. as usual. i wasnt allowed to due to those jawa ladies' rules. huh! and we hadnt meet yet at that day. bcoz of it was too late at nite. and he was very tired of the trip. and i believe that i wouldnt be allowed to meet him.

just realized that he always come to jakarta on thursday. then we got our first meeting on friday :)

day 2 faz in JKT - fri. 25 sept 2009
he was coming to my house at about 2 o clock. oh goshhh.. i still remember how i saw him from my window. and that's my bebii! he's here now! oh god! this is unbelieveably true!! knowing that we used to meet on webcam and now he's for real to me!
he looks handsome with his new haircut. but he looks a bit fat. hehe.. but i think he's getting "putihan". lebih cling-cling. than our last kopi darat a few months ago.

hohohoho... cant stop grinning when i was open up the door to meet him. hihi. i was set my expression to be not looks so happy. hihihi. and you know what he was very wangiii... due to the perfume he took. uhuuyy. uhuuy. i cant stop smiling and having the big grin at that time. :))
and he said that im getting thinner. yes i had been fatty a few months ago. dunno why.
im getting petite he said.

after a long chit chat with him. then he started to talk seriously with my father. and id rather go to my bedroom, left them two. hehe.
and after all that finished. we took our magrhib pray together the two of us.
hihi :) sooo gladd!
then we had our dinner.
and me and my fam were preparing to go to Bandung at that time. and about to go to jatiwaringin first to borrow my uncle's car.
theeen my papa asked faz to drop us to jatiwaringin. hehehe. oiya, that was a heavy rain.
so the position in faz's grand livina car was; faz and my papa at the first row. haqa and tante nina at the second row. and me at the last row. watching him from the backside. watching him talked politely to my father.. how sweet ;)
oiya due to the heavy rain, that was a fallen branch in my house. and it sounds so hard! and too bad, it was impacted to faz's car. :( the main window of the car is broken. huhu. we just realized it when we were on the way to jatiwaringin. poor faz :(

after all. faz finally met my uncle, aunty and my grandma. and then we separated. i went to bandung, and he went home.

aw awww.. what a day! 9 hours nonstop within him at that day.. :))

day 3 faz in JKT - Sat. 26 sept 2009
we didnt met :( yeah i was in Bandung while he's in JKT
but i had a great big family meeting. they were asking for faz. hehe. sadly he couldnt join and blend to my big family yet.

day 4 faz in JKT - Sat. 27 sept 2009
we havent meet again. its just too late to have a date.
okey. we'll take tomorrow as our revenge. we're gonna have a date from the earlier morning. and the whole day long. hehee. hope soo..
i love him so much!!

smooch :*

he's coming to town

bebi will coming to town by tomorrow afternoon insyaAllah..

tonite will gonna be his flight to malaysia, then go straight to Jakarta..

ohh how i miss him! this kinda feeling is just same like i did feel, when we were gonna 'kopi darat' a few months ago.. *bahasa inggris kacau seada2nya, hahah

yes! yes!

kayanya rasanya sama deh kaya waktu akan bertemunya for the first time. uhuuy!

have a safe flight beb :)