you know what?
I got climax in the end of my birthday.. a sad climax to be exact..
since faz has read my previous post, then he felt regret due to not giving me a bday present or bday surprise..
but its OK, since i feel like "ok its just like another ordinary day ra, dont make it too special"
then he did apologize to me for being careless.. but it's ok..
i was trying to stay calm and pretending everyting is ok..
but then, there's a moment that made him cranky to me and he hung up the phone. and suddenly the video call we had, off. i thought he did it.
then suddenly i cried, i was sobbing.. a loud sobbing..
it was just like i cant control my voice..
the emotion was just suddenly explode, blow up! and it reached it's climax!
i thought that oh god.. im sobbing but faz is not here with me, he doesnt know what im doing now..
(he used to accompany me in evry condition, especially in my lowest point)
and suddenly there was a call in skype from faz, I answered him but i couldnt stop my tears, my sobs..
i kept crying, sobbing while the video call has running.. but i dont wanna stare the laptop screen in order to hide my crying face..
and my esia phone was ringing.. i answered while kept sobbing.. then there was a voice sounded worry and panic.. "bebi kenapaa? yaampuun.. bebihh.. bebih kamu kenapa nangiss? kenapa beb? "
i answered "huhu.. gatauu.. aku gatau kenapa aku nangiis.."
the conversation goes.. till he could handle me, could calm me and I felt better..
I've always been like that.. i couldnt control my feelings my emotions till I do cry.. i have to release all of my emotions by crying.. and i''ve always felt better after that.. i used to do that thing alone but since i have faz as my boyfie, he has always knew what im feeling and he has always accompanied me whenever I cry.. whenever Im feeling down, feeling upset, feeling disappointed, feeling happy.. and so on..
ohh God is very very kind to me, very nice to me.. God keep sending him to accompany me in every condition.. his voice was sooo calming.. his concerns and his panic shows a big real deep love.. i feel so lucky to be loved by him. i know he's loving me so much. and so do I.
i cant imagine how my life would be without him. God please make us togother forever as a hubby and wify. amiin (cailahhh) hahaa..
alhamdulillah. insyaAllah. amiin
love love love